105 CV Thought for the Day – the First Sunday of Lent by Didymus As we approach the first Lenten Sunday, it is difficult to concentrate on the pilgrimage to Easter while a deluded liar is wreaking havoc in Ukraine with dreams of recreating the “Greater Russia”. Su and I join everyone in prayer entreating God to take him to his Nemesis. He surely will, but it cannot come too soon for us.Lent is the time for courses. I have been tempted to have a try at writing one, but I doubt my skill and knowledge. They are usually written by bishops and eminent scholars and I am neither by some considerable distance. Dear old Bishop Bill once remarked to me that the problem with being a bishop was that one was expected to speak at length, but without saying anything significant. So here is my humble effort. Many years ago – too many – I was told to read John. Wonderful advice. Let’s read John.The fourth Gospel, like the other three, is beyond value to all Christians. It was the last written, about twenty years later, and is quite different in its format. It appears to assume a knowledge of the other three. After the Prologue, John gives seven signs of Jesus’ divinity, the first of which was at the Wedding at Cana and the last was the Raising of Lazarus, neither of which appear in the Synoptics (The first three). There are then four chapters, known as the Farewell Discourse, dealing with Jesus’ teaching at the Last Supper, followed by the Passion and the events following the Crucifixion. Much of this is unique to JohnThe miracles are related of course, but between there is some quite amazing teaching. Read Ch.3, as part 1 of this course, in any translation, and enjoy it. Nicodemus, a member of the Sanhedrin, visited Jesus in secret after dark. The Sanhedrin was a sort of General Synod for Judaism, and they were opposed to Jesus. Hence the secrecy. In any case walking around unlit streets littered with rubbish and worse was to risk robbery.I like Nicodemus. His puzzled responses remind me of RI classes at school long ago. The lesson Jesus taught him is one of the most important of all to the Christian. The importance of the spirit. To us, 2000 years later, the spiritual dimension to life is absolutely fundamental. We are body, mind and spirit. Think of a car. Any car. It is a shed on wheels, essentially (Sorry, Formula One aficionados). Without an engine it remains a shed. With an engine, it can move, carry, pull, and so on. But until a driver starts the engine, it will remain a shed with a dead engine inside. The driver enters the car, and brings it to life. Our bodies are of no use without a mind to operate them, but it is the spirit, or soul, which animates us. We can recognise people sometimes by their appearance, less commonly by their mind, but…
The Mysteries- Wakefield Cycle - Wikipedia information My lent group is going to meet, in person, for four Wednesday afternoons to watch "The Passion " element of the Mysteries in four parts.When I watched the series back in 1985 it made a huge impact and watching them back after so many years has been equally inspiring. I have included links below to all the parts in order on YouTube. It is based largely on the Wakefield cycle of plays (but incorporating some scenes from the York, Chester and Coventry canons) and adapted by poet Tony Harrison, working with the original cast, into three parts: Nativity, The Passion and Doomsday. Directed by Bill Bryden, it was first performed on Easter Saturday 1977 on the terrace of the National Theatre building on the South Bank, London. It then went into the repertoire in the Cottesloe Theatre (part of the South Bank complex) until 20 April 1985 when the Cottesloe went 'dark'.[1] Later in 1985 it transferred with a slightly different cast (Barrie Rutter playing Herod & Pontius Pilate, and Barry Foster as Lucifer/Judas/Satan)[2] to the Lyceum Theatre—then in use as a ballroom and so without seating.Harrison's concept was to present the original stories as "plays-within-plays", using as his characters the naïve but pious craftsmen and guild members, to some extent modernised to represent the trades of today—God, for example, created the world with the help of a real fork-lift truck—[3]acting out the parts of the story that their mediaeval counterparts would have done. At the start of each performance actors dressed as tradesmen welcomed the audience.[4] The performance was a promenade one, with the audience mingling with the actors and making up the crowd at such scenes as the last judgement. The Evening Standard reported witnessing "An extraordinary experience... no wonder the end of it all saw an explosion of communal joyousness with everybody, actors, musicians, and audience alike, cheering and clapping and singing and dancing." Harrison's concept was to present the original stories as "plays-within-plays", using as his characters the naïve but pious craftsmen and guild members, to some extent modernised to represent the trades of today—God, for example, created the world with the help of a real fork-lift truck—[3]acting out the parts of the story that their mediaeval counterparts would have done. At the start of each performance actors dressed as tradesmen welcomed the audience.[4] The performance was a promenade one, with the audience mingling with the actors and making up the crowd at such scenes as the last judgement. The Evening Standard reported witnessing "An extraordinary experience... no wonder the end of it all saw an explosion of communal joyousness with everybody, actors, musicians, and audience alike, cheering and clapping and singing and dancing." Mysteries nativity part 1 The Mysteries | The Nativity (Part 1 of 2) - YouTubeThe Mysteries | The Nativity (Part 2 of 2) - YouTubeThe passion The Mysteries | The Passion (Part 1 of 2) - YouTubeThe Mysteries | The Passion (Part 2 of 2) - YouTubeDoomsday The Mysteries | Doomsday (Part 1 of 3) - YouTubeThe Mysteries | Doomsday (Part 2 of 3) - YouTubeThe Mysteries | Doomsday (Part 3) - YouTube
Cdr Bill Watson R.I.P. This week we have lost another long-time Reader in Bill Watson who died after some years of illness. We pray for the repose of his soul and for Eileen and the family in this sad time. William NormanWATSON(Bill) Cdr RN. (of Callington) Passed away peacefully at home on 5th February 2022 after a long illness aged 82 years. Funeral Service at St Dominick Parish Church on Tuesday 8th March at 11am. No Flowers by request. Donations in Lieu are for St Dominick Parish Church and Marie Curie, C/O PCC Treasurer, Radland Ford, St Dominick, Saltash, PL12 6TR. All other enquiries to C P Coombe Funeral Directors. Tel: 01579 383349 Multi-faith Discussions- Post Licensing training year. On Thursday evening this week 7pm on ZOOM, the Post Licensing Group is in conversation with Rabbi Naomi Goldman of the Kol Chai Reformed Community in Hatch End. As we are a small group there are some places for other Readers to join us. The session might be of particular interest to those interested in the parallel issues of women’s ministry in out =r respective faiths. "We call ourselves a Community, not a Synagogue, to emphasise the importance of the individuals who make up Kol Chai and the communal support that we give to one another. Kol Chai means “a living voice”. We aim to be a living voice of active progressive Judaism, alive to the needs of today, but rooted in tradition." The aim of the evening is to share things that we have in common rather than challenging the things we do not. If you would like to take part please drop me a line and I will send you a ZOOM link. Links to Rabbi Naomi: Rabbi's Page - Kol Chai Hatch End Reform Jewish Community From a BBC newsroom to the pulpit as a rabbi - The Jewish Chronicle (thejc.com) Kol Chai History - Kol Chai Hatch End Reform Jewish Community “God Goes Viral” – a thought-provoking documentary in the BBC Storyville Series. https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m000y2g7 This had me posing questions about the pursuit of "the spiritual high" and "happiness" and wondering whether "contentment" is a better aspiration. Study day with the Archdeacon of Exeter- Thursday 17th February It was good to be joined by some other Readers at this day on ‘leading well through and beyond the pandemic.’ There was some thought-provoking discussion and a largely positive mood looking to the future. Part of the day was spent in how we look after ourselves as leaders and the support that might be given or needed. At the recent Reader meeting we decided that our Deanery Reader Stewards would change to becoming Deanery Chaplains to Readers with the first item on the job description being praying for the Lay Ministers in their patch. The DRS already in post who attended the meeting have shown much enthusiasm for this and I await replies from those who did not attend to see whether we need to appoint chaplains for a particular…
A number of folk have told me that they miss the posts from Mr. Dog..... so I have promised to get some updates done..... Mr. Dog a.k.a. Barney here.... The garden has been barricaded to make me think.... or so the Boss says. Where'sLez says the grass will grow back but the Boss was having none of it and now I have to hurdle or go round rather than skidding the length of the garden and turning it into a mud slide. Where'sLez does not seem to like it when I walk on the pale grey carpet after I have skidded up the garden after catsssssssssssss.... I wonder why?Barney aka Mr Dog here... this morning I has my best alien look headingvinto the dark. Nobody to scare today like I did last week appearing from the gorse in the mist in my green halo with the green glow ball.... I'm sure the poor walker thought he was being abducted... but then he did not have head torch like the boss.... who picked him out in a searchlight beam.Mr. DOG aka Barney here: two other dog walkers said, "what a well trained dog!" I eas very proud... but I find not look at the boss' face in case he said something about the way I pull on the lead especially when I see a cattttt! Where'sLez has strict rules for all dogs about not going on the furniture except for my window chairs in the front room so I can see out...... but I was allowed u and to be a lapdog! I liked it for about 90 seconds and then I wanted to play ball..... Mr Dog's musings: we went back to the beach yesterday Where'Lez and the Boss both came for a change and took it in turns to throw the ball. They seemed very interested in bits of coloured glass that they collected..... I couldn't understand it it, after all I am far more interesting. Where'sLez thought Nick might like a picture of the glass but I think he would rather take me for a walk.
January 7thA Tale of Two Funerals - You Can't Please Everybody All of the Time... So 34 years in Lay Ministry and now18 months of funeral ministry and there is always something to learn, not just from texts, conversations and courses but from the ‘job’ itself. I have taken two funerals in the last 7 days which were hugely contrasting. Today’s funeral at Treswithian Downs Crematorium was packed with standing room only for a popular lady who had died of cancer over the Christmas period after a two year struggle. I was requested as minister as I had taken the funeral for her mother nine months ago and knew the family. The funeral director sent me the details with the chosen music etc. and I arranged a visit to gather information. I arrived with time to pray for the family and to greet guests and it went very smoothly, and I was in my comfort zone, if a little nervous as always. Afterwards I spoke to the immediate family and then slipped away leaving the huge group of people to chat with each other. Job done!This was a far cry from the previous week which I count as the least satisfactory of all the funerals I have done when, being in my own church, it really should have been the opposite. The deceased was a lovely, serene and faithful member of the congregation until a combination of health issues and the infirmity of age took her to residential care, complicated in the last few years with the visiting problems around the Covid Pandemic. I have an indelibly stamped image of her white hair and generous smile in the fifth pew from the front- so it was a huge privilege to be asked to do the funeral service. I had been asked a year ago if I would do it when the time came.I was reassured that it was to be an unfussy commemoration which suited me well and I prepared in my usual prompt meticulous way agreeing everything with the family early on – even the words of the eulogy /address. The screen in church would have a slide show and pictures would be sent and reflective music was chosen and stored as MP3 files ready to use the church sound systemNow in hindsight I should have realised that it was going to be a tough one when the funeral directors, instead of sending me the letter of details as the person taking it, instead sent to the PTO priest who had been added at the suggestion of the Funeral Director. My name was a handwritten addition. It is no wonder we lay ministers feel somewhat second class but that’s Anglican life. I should add at this point that I get on really well with the PTO priest and the funeral director -and they are lovely people, but they have a huge (and daunting) fund of knowledge and experience and a different vision and style to me, so this became an exercise in…
Resolutions So another New Year and my resolution from 1967 is kept once more; never to make any more New Year resolutions. If something is worth doing, or worth giving up then it is too important to leave it to a once a year attempt and should be attended to right away. After all God gives us infinite chances and has infinite patience and should we fail he will pick us up, dust us off and set us going again..Life on the Cornish breadline - Unheard Do give a little time to this article about poverty in St Ives. It is probably something of which you are perfectly aware but it may give useful sermon material for the new year. There seems to be little resolution from the powers that be to resolve the issues around poverty in our land and in our county. The Nativity Scene at ST Andrews- joined by playdough figures representing all those present at the Children's Service on Christmas Eve. 96 CV Thought for the Day – New Yearby Didymus (Peter Coster Licensed Lay Minister) “In him was life; and the life was the light of men: And the light shineth in darkness; and the darkness comprehended it not.” (John ch.1)“ARCH” Archbishop of Capetown Primate of South AfricaOn the day after Christmas, another light that shone in the darkness left us, taking the hand of God, Jesus Christ. Following in our Lord’s footsteps, this light faced the darkness of apartheid, and by faith, humility, bravery and love, overcame it. Christianity is the poorer today.Desmond Tutu was a man of absolute faith, with a sharp wit, a keen sense of humour and a cackle of a laugh, often deflecting anger. He faced the evil of apartheid and all of the thuggery that was used to enforce it, and defeated it. There were many instances of threats of violence, and even murder, which he received over the years. In his remarkable 90 years, the priest known to many as “Arch” achieved a relatively peaceful dissolution of the cruel colour discrimination practised in South Africa by the nationalist ruling party. A Nobel Peace Prize was awarded in 1984 for his work. He was Chairman of the Truth and Reconciliation Commission from 1995 to 1998, where people came to confess their past deeds and express regret, bringing different sections of the community together.A wonderful man. One felt that, however many thousands of miles lay between us, we were his, and he was ours. We were part of his spiritual flock.The Gospel reading for Evensong is from Matthew’s second chapter, in which the consequences of the visit of the three wise men unfolds - the anger of a frustrated Herod, the slaughter of the Innocents, (remembered on the 28th), and the flight of the Holy Family to Egypt. Herod died within four years, and it was safe to return to Israel, and the Holy Family settled in Nazareth, in Galilee.There is about Matthew’s Gospel a concern to bring the narrative into close alignment with…
Art-work by Reader John Wallis Safeguarding Blog part 2- How we have gone about it in the Redruth Benefice. Since the last blog I have met for a chat with Sarah and Sue from the diocesan safeguarding team that was both positive and reassuring that we were on the right track. It was also really helpful to see how aware hey were of parish problems and how systems are evolving and being tweaked all the time to make safeguarding possible in the vast range of church scenarios. I suggested that it would be really helpful for churches to see some scenarios of how other churches are working and to be able to select the one that is nearest to their situation in terms of demographic, so this blog is how we have coped with it in Redruth. As a result of the team council meeting and a few things responded to we have completed level one of the dashboard and moved on to level two! Whooppee! In last week’s blog I wrote about the deep joy of tackling the Safeguarding dashboard and preparing for a team council meeting to agree the latest missive and regulations from the national safeguarding team on safer recruiting which has to by done by January 4th. Since then I have had the meeting and was pleased that there was so much positivity across four of the five churches with a commitment to training and responding to my bit of the agenda. The fifth church is a small congregation with little energy to spare who need support from the rest of us- which I think is a scenario being played out in places across the diocese. Trying to do everything to the letter of the law / regulations / guidance is not always possible, practical or feasible but finding a pragmatic approach to safeguarding and safer recruitment that follows the spirit of the task is possible. We have 5 churches, which is 5 DCCs and 3 PCCs – but the most practical way to deal with safeguarding and recruitment is through the Team Council that represents everyone even though it is not the statutory body. The PPCs can have their say if they want to at the meeting following the team council – although I do not envisage any issues arising! Having said that however, I did speak to one poor beleaguered Reader from elsewhere in the diocese who was at her wits end with her PCC because they have refused all safeguarding training and have a church warden who says they will resign and do the job without a title if the are forced to do the training because they consider it a waste of time and money. I suggested that perhaps they need a face to face session for C Zero with their PCC. Each of the churches, in theory has its own safeguarding officer although one is so small and beleaguered that their poster refers folk to me as safeguarding coordinator for the…
Links to Documents and “stuff” referred to in the article Parish Dashboards: https://www.parishdashboards.org.uk/ Church of England Safer Recruiting and People Management Guidance / E-manual Model Record Keeping Template (only to be opened if you are calm!) Safer Recruitment and People Management FAQs Safer Recruitment and People Management Assessment Tool As part of my safeguarding commitment as Chaplain I sit on the Diocesan Safeguarding Advisory Panel and the DSAP subcommittee so that I get the latest news and information and, more importantly, so that Readers and Parish safeguarding officers have a voice in matters to do with training, policy and edicts from on high. The latest deadline for things safeguarding is of course the safer recruiting strategy. The self assessment tool (called the Safer Recruitment Survey) and the adoption of the policy for Safer recruiting should be complete by January 4th which I can imagine could be a real struggle for many parishes. The new Safeguarding Dashboard tool which is available for every church is really helpful although it does have one or two flaws and things that need some work but there is no such thing as a perfect tool or a one size fits all solution which is why the dialogue is important. I came unstuck with the dashboard question on safer recruiting which asks, “Which sections of the new Guidance are being followed for ALL relevant roles?” The simple solution here in the dashboard would be to put in a footnote explaining that the relevant roles this refers to are those that meet the threshold for hours worked with vulnerable adults in certain situations or children. However, it doesn't. (yet) So I opened the Safer Recruitment self assessment tool and clicked on the E-Manual link. making sure that I clicked on the blue print in the right box otherwise as I discovered the other day you end up somewhere else! You do need to be connected to the Internet and to know how to use the CTRL key when you click the link. You can download chapters or sections but for the life of me I have no idea of the difference.... I was losing the will to live slowly. At this point I read the explanations several times and then went to have a cup of tea and play ball with the dog. Maybe the frequently asked questions document would help. So now I had the safer recruiting assessment tool open on my computer along with the Redruth Parish dashboard, the e-manual page and the frequently asked questions document. There was so much stuff and so many words written in convoluted legalese that I felt like a claustrophobic desperately seeking the way out of a maze of hedges that were narrowing as I walked! I went to help my wife do some stuff for the craft market, or more honestly, I watched her do stuff and chatted.... then I tried again. With a face full of grim determination I clicked a few things on the dashboard and clicked…
How’s Your Spiritual Health? Some ramblings for the week!It might seem like a funny question but quite seriously when did you last go for a check-up and with whom?It may seem like a daft question but it is all too easy to get drawn into a task-driven life where prayer becomes one of those tasks or worse still, does not find much of a space.Some Readers/LLMs do manage to find time to go on retreat which is an ideal time to recharge spiritual batteries but not all of us have the space in our lives to be able to do it.Wendy Earl writes: Sheldon is the most wonderful retreat from the frantic world we all now inhabit; a balm for soul. It is tucked away in an unspoiled corner of Devon above the river Teign east of Dartmoor. It includes a thatched restored barn and modern comfortable rooms and has its own flock of sheep, orchard and vegetable patch. Some lovely walks in the local countryside beside the river can be taken directly from Sheldon but all the surrounding countryside and up to Dartmoor is gorgeous. Sheldon was primarily set up to support the ordained Ministry as the ‘Society of St Mary and Martha’ but now it also welcomes anyone who feels they can benefit from ‘coming away and resting awhile’. Retreats can be taken individually or as a group and there is a regular program of speakers for guided retreats. By contrast the R5 program is not structured. It’s enables: Rest, Retreat, Read, Relax and Recuperate. The Daily Office is said morning and evening in the Chapel by the Community to which visitors are invited to join. There is an extensive library and wonderful meals are served using mainly local produce. Private counselling is also available.See: https://www.sheldonretreat.comIt is hard for some of us to justify a week away, or even a weekend and the thought of leaving one’s spouse with everything including walking the dog and so on is tricky to put it mildly. In our house going away together is much more the thing!Quiet Days are rather easier to manage but still require us to make a commitment to them both in time and cash and in finding the motivation to sign up in the first place. The Readers used to have two quiet days a year, one in Advent and the other in Lent but the Lenten one was abandoned with the rise in Reader/LLM activity in running lent courses etc. The advent one has had mixed attendance but always ended up subsidised each year by the diocese until Covid put the brakes on.With other quiet days on offer, especially at Epiphany house such as my favourite that I have been chaplain for, the prayer and painting day, I do wonder whether we need to offer quiet days specifically for Readers/LLMs at all. Your thoughts on the matter are welcome!Spiritual Direction or soul friends, spiritual accompaniers etc.I have to make sure with my spiritual director that I put a…
Reactions to the Annual Survey Comments A summary of the written answers with some personal comment from me about the chaplaincy, the blog and the website and attitudes towards “On the Way”JNS To What extent are you involved with On the Way Of the Readers who responded to the survey and to the question most Readers/LLMs were not involved yet- but a significant group had been taking part in meetings, both face to face and online. Concerns seemed to be centred around communication and the amount of paperwork, especially for those at the heart of discussions. One comment began “I am aware of the initiative; but find it totally uninspiring and irrelevant to the realities of the average person in Cornwall today.” But otherwise there were few strong feelings on the topic.What would you say is the most fulfilling aspect of your Ministry?Unsurprisingly, preaching and teaching were high on the list of answers but pastoral work, chaplaincy, and being alongside people from schools to care homes, and in Covid times making phone calls to those shielding. Funerals are also a key element of Reader ministry although some readers have found they are doing less of them. Leading groups, praying with people and the sharing if faith were also mentioned a number of times. Tell us about your Reader Ministry other than conducting worship on a Sunday- what have you done recently to respond to ministry needs in the current time of pandemic? The variety of Reader involvement, commitment and support for other people is truly inspiring. There was some fairly common activities such as phone ministry and leading Zoom services but Readers /LLMs also wrote weekly reflections, wrote letters and delivering treats of chocolate and ‘fun bags’ The telephone ministry included Pastoral conversations and also Phone church services!Other activities included ambassadorial work with SAT7UK.org that works in the Middle East to remote youth work in the Local Skate-park and heavy commitment to the work of the FoodbanksSome PCCs and churches, it seems, would collapse altogether if it were not for the commitment of Readers and they seem to be able to plug gaps wherever they appear and to respond to community needs as they are discovered. Here are a couple of illustrative responses:Opened the church for private prayer and supervised. Joint leader of an online Alpha Course. Acted as sacristan on 24 occasions. Attended several webinars concerning the way forward after the pandemic including, e.g. Lockdown resourcefulness, Funerals: an immediate concern, Opening the Doors, Leading through Lockdown, Midsized churches, Opening Churches. Considered increasing giving in the parish (Generous Giving webinars), encouraged the PCC to send out an appeal to people on the electoral roll and been active in producing a letter. Acted as Lay Chair for the PCC in the absence of an incumbent. Prepared for APCM. Updated risk assessments. Telephoned where I have been aware of a need. Joined two online prayer groups and led Morning Prayer fortnightly for one. Prayed daily for needs asked for. Provided a Service of Remembering and a Remembrance…
On the Way So the following thoughts might be contentious and if they ‘rub you up the wrong way’ please do respond and I will publish your reply. As Readers / Licensed Lay Ministers we are ‘of the Diocese’ and of the “Church of England” rather than being ‘done-to’ as participants in it. We are part of the wider ministry team that includes all licensed minister, both Lay and Ordained and we have a duty to be the positive, helpful, enthusiastic and optimistic face of that ministry team. We may not like initiatives, changes and policies and should, quite rightly, express our opinions- but in the right place. That right-place is in the ministry teams in our own areas, to our Deanery Reader Stewards, to the Reader committee or perhaps even as a discussion piece for other readers to put in the chaplain’s webpage. To the congregations, and to our wider communities however we need to make the most of the opportunities to “build up the people” as Paul wrote in his letter to the Corinthians. The ‘On The Way Survey’ has had mixed reviews in my conversations with Readers, but it is an important tool in attempting to see how the wider community sees us. How can we respond to the needs of the community unless we know what those people think ? I suspect when we send it out in the Camborne Redruth area we might find that the community likes the church buildings, likes the being there for hatch, match and despatch, Remembrance and Christmas but otherwise finds us largely irrelevant, if not strange! I will be using social media among other things to encourage as many folks as possible to fill it in because we want a representative sample. I hope a few folks might be going out to those without access to technology with a paper version! Whatever the findings, it will help shape our response. Yes, I know we cannot ask everything but you have to draw a line somewhere. An addition the multiple choice lists of, “keep everything the same in church until I have shuffled off this mortal coil”, or “bring back one priest for every church” do not make the cut! The Church, and that means us as Readers as well as everyone else is under enormous pressure- as a the merry band of Licensed Lay ministers we have a duty to to hep the wider ministry team “build up the people” which might mean supressing our natural cynicism of new initiatives. As a deputy / head teacher we had certain categories of people you really did not want in your staffrooms or Governor meetings and the same applies to church councils and indeed any teams that are trying to get something done. The “I hear what you are saying but…. “ person, which means’ I am not listening to you because my view is the only one that is important’. The “yes, but…… It won’t work because……” usually slightly patronising…
Next week all the local children will return to school for the new term and a new set of rules and regulations to keep them and the staff as safe as possible in these times of pandemic. My Granddaughter, Ellie, is amongst the children who are transferring from primary school to secondary school - from being big fish in small ponds to very small fish indeed. It had me thinking about my own experience of arriving at Harborne Hill School in Birmingham. My prayers this week are for all those 11 year olds! Times were rather different of course and it seemed sanctioned ritual humiliation of new children was the order of the day rather than the taster days and close consultations of today. So there follows some of my recollections of secondary school leaving out the clips round the ear from the rugby playing history teacher, the dumping in the stinging nettles on the way home and the cunning ways I developed to stay out of ham's way.... At the age of eleven, in new green blazer (all other years wore black blazers) and shorts (compulsory for first years so the older ones knew who to humiliate) I set off for Harborne Hill School –the secondary modern with the best reputation in the area. The head was Daisy Hill, a remarkable lady who knew everyone’s name by magic and had secret powers that would make bullies weep and the cock-sure tremble. She was also very caring; when I had a bout of asthma and was unwell at school she took me home in her own car because Dad was away and couldn’t collect me. The deputy head was Miss Bonham, a strangely carved figure-head of a woman with a wedge shaped bosom that could have provided a safe platform for a three course meal were she to be leaning backwards against a wall. Her mouth was a short, thin, deep red smear. Her tiny lips protruded slightly in amongst the flesh of her face. Her tiny eyes stared out from beneath furrowed brows with an extra-sensory detection of wrong-doing. She was formidable. When her huge frame began to pick up sped towards the latest student crime her flat back brogues would clomp the corridors with increasing pace as her muscular calves as thick as footballers thighs trundled her huge frame onwards. Crowds of children would part in her wake, corridors would clear, fights break up as if by magic and heads would be held still. Some were bowed in supplication, or pleading, some held high with pride or daring, some pretended that nothing was untoward, but Miss Bonham knew. With deadly accuracy, names were spat across the room and children summoned to meet their doom. She taught geography.I hated all school but I particularly hated secondary school. I hated the uniform, I hated the bullies, I hated the playtimes and I hated school dinners. I hated the journey to school and the journey home but there were a few redeeming features such…
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